Park Understandings
by SPBCx0xo
Summary: Although she was never really his, Puck just couldn't let her go. Puck/Rachel friendship, a little out of character


Noah Puckerman was a badass. He didn't cry, he didn't regret, and he most defiantly didn't stalk girls (they stalked him). But ever since Beth was born he found himself doing all three of the above, frequently.

He knew he should respect Quinn's decision to put Beth up for adoption, but he just couldn't. He cried the day Beth was born, and he cried the day they gave her to Shelby Corcoran. He also cried when he found the sheet music for Beth on his desk while cleaning it one day. Not full out sobbing, guys just didn't do that. But all three times he felt the tears falling against his will.

And each time he cried, and all the time in between, he felt the regret. The day his daughter was born he regretted sleeping with Quinn and ruining his friendship with Finn (although they were mending that friendship now that Finn was with Rachel). If he had never slept with Quinn then he wouldn't be experiencing one of the greatest moments of his life without his best friend supporting him.

The day Shelby Corcoran went home with Beth Noah regretted getting attached. If he hadn't owned up to the paternity and if he hadn't named her, and sang that song to Quinn, then maybe seeing a virtual stranger walking away with his baby wouldn't hurt so much.

And the day he found the music he regretted ever having regretted at all. Somewhere, out in the world was a beautiful baby girl named Beth; his baby girl. And, although he couldn't be part of her life, everything that he had been through the past few months was worth it just to know that she was out there, a living piece of part of him.

However, Shelby Corcoran wasn't a complete stranger, and he knew that she lived less than twenty minutes away. And he knew that he couldn't have his daughter so close, yet not be able to see her, fuck the custody papers and the agreements.

Just one time he told himself. He just needed to see her one time to make sure she was really doing all right and he would be satiated. And so, he went to the park that Saturday, a month after Beth had been born, in hopes that her new mother would bring her there like his mother used to bring him and his sister.

He was there for 47 minutes exactly, and he had seen 23 strollers pushed by 23 different women and then he saw Shelby Corcoran pushing the only stroller he had ever been interested in; his baby's stroller. And then she sat down a few benches before she reached his, and proceeded to reach for the baby.

When he saw little Beth being lifted out of the stroller he let out a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. She was perfect. And then he heard her little baby gurgle and he felt his heart break. She wasn't his, never had been. She had never been Quinn's either, come to think of it. First she was Mr. and Mrs. Schuester's, and after that fell through Quinn had been so hell bent on adoption that she never let herself get close.

And even though Noah loved this little girl more than he thought he could love anyone, he respected Quinn's decision; and thus Beth had never really been theirs. And now, she was Shelby Corcoran's.

Noah watched them for a few more minutes and he saw how good Shelby was with Beth, and he clearly saw how loved and cherished Beth was. And he knew, Beth could never be his, but that didn't stop him from showing up at the park periodically to check up on her.

It was three months after his first trip to the park that Puck was spotted.

"Noah?"

He turned around, and sure enough Rachel Berry was standing above him, with an understanding look on her face. How was he going to be able to explain studying her mother with her new daughter, his daughter, on a Saturday afternoon to Rachel?

"Noah." She said again, as she sat down next to him.

"What do you want, Berry?" He asked, acknowledging her presence.

"I've noticed you here before. I thought maybe this time we could watch together." Rachel's timid voice responded. Rachel and timid in the same sentence was something Noah thought that he'd never consider, but then again he never thought he'd be spending his Saturday afternoons stalking his daughter.

"Uh, sure I guess. I mean, what do you mean?"

"She didn't want me, but I still want her. I can't just let go, you know? I mean, I should respect her choices. She's got Beth now, and I shouldn't interfere, but I still can't stop myself from watching, and wondering what having her in my life would have been like, you know. I guess, seeing her with Beth makes it easier to imagine, because it's really happening." Rachel answered honestly.

"Yeah, I know," said Puck, and together they sat, and watched the two people they desperately wanted to know, yet never would. And after Shelby packed up Beth and left, Puck turned to Rachel and said, "Same time next week?"


End file.
